The Client List, Devious Maids, Drop Dead Diva
@Karla I have sent to people I knew personally or knew their family and they supplied the addresses so I'd know they received them personally, but I have also sent from these addresses that are on these websites since I knew they were legit and you can see Supporters and Sponsors also like the one site Sams Clue and others have donated. I will include other sites as well so you'll have more info and more choices. I have used the 1st two, but the others are great also.
My mom still can use a walker, with help. I have to put her into bed and get her out - kills my back, but I do it. Even though she doesn't weigh much anymore, it's still dead weight. I bathe her, style her hair, lotion up her body etc, she really can't do anything, but she can feed herself - I cut up her food. She still eats good, but like I said, nothing stays in her. Her doctor sent me to a gastroenterologist dr. because he wanted a colonoscopy - first of all, no way- she was 90 then. Even the gastroenterologist said he wouldn't at that age. She's had many through the years and was fine. She's had meds for iBS and ulcerated colitis, but they never helped. Even eating bland doesn't really help. That's one my biggest problem right now. Even Ensure doesn't help.
My mom has fallen at home also, even when my dad was still living. (I took care of him also - he had bladder cancer). Since I've been here she's fallen a couple times - makes me feel like an awful caregiver. It's always been at night - as she gets out of bed to go to the bathroom. I gave her a bell, I tell her to call me, but of course she forgets. I'm not even sleeping, but she's so light weight I don't hear her. That was about a year ago. Now I have moved the bed so that if she tries to get up she can hold onto the bed and wall, doorway is right there and I have the walker angled so she can use it. But really now by that time I'm up. I sense she's trying to get out of bed and I'm up. BUT of course many times at night I think I hear her, I fly out of bed and nope..she's sleeping.
Last night a friend sent email that they just moved her dad from assisted living to the memory care section of the nursing home. She said if I ever want to meet her there to let her know - that way I can look around without having an appointment. I just don't know. My mind and heart don't agree. I know I can't do this forever...May will be 3 yrs that my dad passed away, plus I was here for him a short time his last few months. So in May it will be 3 years that I've lived here. When the caregiver is here I run errands, go home to be with my husband...it's 1 hour round trip from my mom's to my house to then I only have 4 hours and boy do they go fast!
I guess all we can do is try to do what we feel is best. Sometimes I feel I fall short though. I just want what's best for my mom and for now it's me being here. It does take a toll on the mind and body and I might reach the point of a nursing home. If that day comes, I will check out as many as I can and I want to still be the one bathing, styling her hair etc. I think I'd be there every day and probably still can't sleep when I go home. Falling at home she has never broke anything other than a tooth, but I fear falling in a nursing home she'll break a hip..she's so frail she looks like the starving people on tv to send money to...as it sounds like that's how your dad looks now also. So sad isn't it? I feel I've lost my mom so many years ago already.. some days we talk a long time and I feel I have her back, then the next day she's not so nice again. It's a roller coaster of emotions.
Oh the belt - my father-in-law had that after he had a massive stroke. It was still hard to get him to the bathroom with that.
Take care and try to enjoy the rest of the weekend.
My mom is 93 and so far we don't have this issue, but I'll keep these tips in mind.
When our 4 legged child Molly (a doxie) was 16 years old we used the puppy pads, but sometimes she'd go off them a bit. I bought a spray at the grocery store for pet urine and it helped. Pet stores had it also, but more expensive there. I think the name was something like odor be gone. Molly passed away a few years ago, we got new carpet since but when we took up the old, there was no odor.
In the beginning it was hard for me to get my mom's sweatshirts, pj tops etc on. I was putting it over her head, then trying to get her arms in. Now I have her put her arms in the sleeves, lift her arms a bit and then it's easy to get her head in. Much faster for me and she likes it that way better also. It was a struggle trying to get her arms in with some of her tops - more of a tight fit they were I guess.
Also, with the disposable diapers I've learned to try not to make such a mess trying to get them down when she has diarrhea. It's a bit easier for me to rip them at one seam, sort of fold it over the mess and then rip the other side off. That way it's more contained.
I've sent sunscreen, socks, hard candy, wet wipes, travel size items. I've sent to some that were from our hometown so I also included a Newspaper from our area.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong and take care of yourself. Yeah, I know, people tell me that all the time and I don't listen about taking care of myself, but we really need to. My mom's had dementia since 2006 and she's 93 years old now. My dad passed away in 2014 and he didn't want to put her in a nursing home. I'm an only child so I've been taking are of her 24/7 until last year when I found someone we could afford to give me breaks a couple days a week to run errands, go back to my house etc. But from Thurs til the following Tues I can't go anywhere so I do 'get down' sometimes. I know I need to take care of myself especially since I'm an only child. I need to be here for my mom. Agencies want $18-$22 an hour and require full week and we can't afford that. I pay $10 an hour, 5 hrs on 3 days so $150 a week. I found her by word of mouth.
My mom knows everyone, just doesn't know how old she is, the day, month, year, who's president etc etc. Repeats, doesn't sleep, therefore I don't sleep. 2 days ago I was running on only 1/2 hour of sleep. She has bathroom issues so even bland food gives her diarrhea, so she weighs about 70 lbs..well last time I weighed her, I think she's less now and she's only 4'10". Even when she does sleep, I don't because I'm listening to see if she's trying to get up. I have to walk her to the bathroom and she can go 3-5 times a night, therefore, no sleep for me. With dementia she gets mean with me sometimes, saying she hates me, wishes I was never born, I'm the worse daughter ever etc. I use to cry because it's so hurtful. I know it's not her saying those things, but it's her voice and it use to be so loving. Sometimes she says those things and I'm just trying to give her a shower. I cut her hair, curl it and it looks just like when she use to go out to have it done.
People tell me I should put her in a nursing home so I can have a life - I do have a house, a husband, family, friends etc. I have a very understanding husband who thought we could move her into our home, but our home has way too many obstacles that would be expensive to change. Plus nursing homes are so under staffed I know she'd have falls, be sitting in diarrhea before they could have time to clean her and possibly get bed sores.
What helps me sometimes if I think of when I was a child, how loving and caring my mom was and we had such good times, laughs, special moments and that cheers me up. She took care of me and now it's my turn to take care of her. As you say, I'm my mom's voice, the only voice.
You and your mom are very special. Oh and by the way, I see you haven't lost your humor during this stressful time in your life. I love that movie - New in Town where
Frances Conroy and Siobhan Fallon Hogan say..'dontchaknow'. lol Suppose to be set in a Minnesota small town. Sooooooo - try to keep your humor, if we don't laugh - we'll cry.
I knew some of these tips, but some were new to me. Great video!
I changed my mom's Medicare Supplement Plan. I wrote everything down that the woman told me was different from the original plan, which only 3 things changed she said. Well now I received the info and new medical card in the mail and a lot changed. I called and they said it's the Enrollment Dept that determines, yet they can't transfer me or give me a phone # to call. Very frustrating! Here I thought I was saving my mom money and now it's ending up costing more. This was with AARP UnitedHealthCare. I told the 2nd person I spoke to that the company needs to train people better. I was on the phone for 2 1/2 hours with the 1st person, writing down info, comparing plans and she did not give me ALL the info I needed to make the decision I made. I'm very upset and no one to turn to in that company since you just get a customer service person
Thanks for the info! I'll check the caps out. I have used the dry shampoo on my mom before. It's just once in awhile she gives me a hard time about taking a shower so at least it's not often. Now that it's getting chilly out and winter will soon me here I kick up the heat and close the bathroom door for the room to warm up before I undress her. The bathroom is small so it warms up fast and then I'm sweating. lol If I have a sweatshirt on I have to put a t-shirt on otherwise it's too warm for me. I also warm up the shower chair with warm water before she gets in so she's not sitting on a cold plastic chair. My mom is only 4'10" and now weighs only 70 lbs compared to when she was 4'11 1/2" and was 118 lbs. She gets diarrhea a few times a week and throws up on occasion (no matter what she eats) so it's hard for her to gain weight. I give her Ensure too. But she can get diarrhea from toast, jello or I swear even water! She's always had bathroom issues ever since I can remember...IBS and Ulcerated Colitis along with hiatal hernia. Meds don't help and strict diets don't help either. At least the throwing up is only a few times a year, but the bathroom issues is often and even the doctors have no suggestions for her age. I feel bad when I can't give her certain foods I know she loved in the past. When I buy the foods for me to eat that she can't have I have to eat it where she can't visually see me. I feel like a little kid trying to sneak a cookie. lol