I do not know how to say it all in a "short post":) I am a Mom of 3 boys 21,17,14 (all almost the next age) The oldest is in college at for one more year. I have to say he is heading down the right road when it comes to understanding that He is a "BIG BOY" now. When he comes home from College he does not throw his dirty clothes in with everyone elses. He will do his own.:) He will even fix his own breakfast because he is usually still snoozing when the others are up and I have cooked for them. The other two still have a way  go. As I have tried to explain it to them the more appreciation they show me for what I do for them the more I do not mine do for them. When they were little it was no question about me doing what they needed..but they were "Potty Trained" a long time ago. Does that make sense? I do want to say about my own Parents that I had the best Mom who now is in Heaven and I have the best Dad in the World.  Yes, he still takes care of me. I do not know what we would do without his help and support at times.  Due to health issues I can't work and it has put a strain on us at times. DAD has came to the rescue so many times. WE will always be our childrens Mom and DAds. But that doesn't mean that our children can USE and Abuse us and get anything they want. They have a role to play too.! I hope all my rambling made sense.:)

posted on 2/29/2012 9:24:53 AM

Pam this was a good thing for me to read.  Going through this at this time with our 19 year old. Its been a change that we are learning now. Out of school, trying to be on their own now, still at home because not quite ready to be out on their own now too.But, of cousre were not ready for them to grow up either . The In-Law was a good comparison. Thanks. 

posted on 1/23/2012 11:19:16 PM

I have to disagree with you. I have lived with my mother (all except a year) since I was born. Im 25. I just inherited my morgage and rent free home from my paternal grandfather. Growing up without my father in my life, my mother was all I have ever known. I do however have issues with her treating my like a child now that she lives with me in my house. There are frequent spats about that.  I am 25, not married, no children. It is possible in these times to be a family..living together..and it be COMPLETLY OKAY!!!!!!!!

posted on 1/16/2012 5:19:10 PM

I related to this, as my 18 year old son is in college, but comes home for breaks and the summer. He is expected to do his part in helping w/ chores, just like when he lived here. He is lso responsible for buying his things, although I will help out if I am able. He does odd jobs to earn cash, since his school schedule changes every semester and it is hard to keep a regular job. Plus, employees do not want to hire someone who they know is leaving soon.nyway, I try to respect his rights and his privacy, same as when he lived here before, but, ultimately, it is MY house, so I make the rules. He does not get special treatment, just for being my son. The same things that I would apply to anyone staying here applies to him as well. This means no girls sleeping over, no smoking, no drinking, no drugs, and he is expected to help with dishes, laundry, pet care, vacuuming, dishes, etc. I would expect any able-bodied adult to contribute in some ways, and not rely on me to wait on them, like a maid. I often cook for everybody, but, if not, then they pitch in and cook. Same with anything that needs done. It is a family affair.

posted on 1/15/2012 3:29:50 AM

My 18 year old son graduated from a youth challenge program.  I was soooo proud of him!  He came home with us and we got all the promises of college or the military.  Well, 3 weeks later he still sat around the house, staying up till all hours of the night, and sleeping all day.  As a former Marine, I had this to say to him and he is out finding a job as we speak: " Son I love you but you are an adult now.  You need to get up, take a shower and get cleaned up.  It is not my fault you stayed up to all hours of the night but it will be my fault if you fail in this challenge of your life.  You have 1 hour to get up and go look for a job." (of course the moaning and groaning came).  "If you can't actively search for a job, then as a prent that loves you, you will have to leave my home.  I say this to you because I love you, because if I didn't I would let you be a burden on me and not be a successful person no matter what career you choose."  Tough love is the best thing for our children.  Do I want my son on the streets? Of course not! But I also want him to be a productive member of society.  I want them to be proud of themselves.  This is just my opinion.

posted on 1/4/2012 12:01:30 PM

Thank you for your insight.

posted on 12/17/2011 10:04:13 PM

When our adult son came to live with us after a divorce he did his own laundry, cooking, coming and going.  But when it came to money he expected us to shell it out like he was still a teenager.  In-laws would be far easier.

posted on 12/14/2011 1:38:01 AM

When I was younger I went through a touch divorce, luckily we had no children at the time.  My mother was my support beam in life.  I moved back in and we became friends.  We supported each other and did things as friends would do them.  I did not expect her to do everything she had done before I was married.  We solidified our relationship and she was and always will be mom.  Today she is no longer here, but If it were not for her nuturing and caring ways, I would have had a very difficult time when I "came home".

posted on 12/9/2011 5:34:39 AM

Danielle - - A few weeks back, we had another member tip about teenagers.  18 is the legal age of adulthood, but most 18 year olds aren't expected to move out of their parents' homes.  So regarding this tip, "adult" children could mean anyone who might otherwise be expected to live without their parents.  Kids returning from college, twenty-somethings entering the job market, or even older offspring forced to lean on their parents in the face of home foreclosures, divorce, or other economic hardships...  These individuals are clearly adults for whom living with their parents is not the norm.  Teenagers are a different kind of special case, since they're meant to live with their parents - a previous tip compared teenagers to a character played by Drew Barrymore in the movie "50 First Dates"!  Browse our older tips, and you should be able to find it!

posted on 12/7/2011 2:41:27 PM

My eldest is 15 and I'm just starting to catch a glimpse of this - at what point do you start making the transition?

posted on 12/7/2011 1:10:35 PM

Having had all 3 of my children return at some point ( different times of course) the easiest thing for all of us was to treat them as renters as much as possible. And yes this meant they had to pay rent. This was better than them assuming that they could do anything they pleased, while mom and dad did all the work. If they chose to come and go at all hours then we had to respect that. Don't get me wrong, I still did the special meals and bought their favorite treats, cause I'll always be mom.

posted on 12/7/2011 1:34:37 AM

I also agree, but it is hard to think of them as in-laws.  My son is home now, working full time and going to graduate school evenings and weekends.  We try to explain our expectations and hope you lives by them.  But always I will be mom and while he lives here, he will act like my child.

posted on 12/6/2011 10:55:05 PM

I agree,  just had my daughter live with us for 4 months.  It was hard to do everything and treat her to special meals while I went to work everyday.  Thinking is she a guest? But how much do you take care of?  She had to clean here own room.  I also left her a few errands to do.

posted on 12/6/2011 7:18:42 PM

I totally agree! I basically raised by younger brothers after our mom died. One of them is living with us now and it can be extremely difficult. Recognizing that he is his own person, but that he picks up old habits being in our home. I consider the importance of what he needs and things that he really needs to do for himself I encourage him to do.

posted on 12/6/2011 8:57:11 AM