The eye rolling, moodiness, or dumb decisions: Which one gets under your skin the most? If there’s a teen in your house, you can take your pick, because you’ve likely seen it all. Many, many times.
Maybe (just maybe) it’ll help a little to know that there’s “good reason” for all this crazy behavior. During the teen years, kids’ brains go through loads of changes, more than any time except right after birth. Their brains are being rewired, especially where rational thinking is done. That means logic—that helps us make good decisions and figure out risks—may go right out the window.
What Are They Thinking?
So part of the answer is: They’re not. But the other part is actually a strange sort of survival instinct deep inside. Don’t be surprised if you find some photos of your son and his friends doing some crazy stunts, like dropping off a 10-foot ledge on a skateboard. Or maybe you overhear your daughter talking about hanging out on a friend’s roof. That kind of risk taking is left over from the caveman urge to leave the family to spread the gene pool. Being strong and rebellious and taking physical risks were good things in times when we wore pelts, but are just plain nerve-racking for moms these days.
Especially in moments where there’s lots of energy (like when teens are out with friends), even the smartest of kids can give in to what seems like craziness. All kinds of roller-coaster emotions take over and put logic in the backseat. So kids make decisions like smoking, even though they’re on the track team.
Hang In There!
Thank goodness, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. When teens hit 16 or 17, their brains start to become more mature. You can expect to see better (safer) decision making as they get more control over their impulses.
In the meantime…to keep your sanity…
If something inside is calling them to take risks, let them do it—in a safer way. Nudge your teen toward something like scuba diving, rock climbing, mountain biking, skiing, snowboarding, surfing…you get the idea. It’s permission to explore their wild side while learning to handle risk. And kids who get involved in extracurriculars aren’t as likely to use drugs or alcohol.
Also, try to eat dinner together at least two or three times a week. Behind the eye rolls and shoulder shrugging, your teen needs you more than ever and actually does want your advice and approval—even though outwardly she says “whatever.” Chatting over food feels less like confrontation and gives you a chance to hear what’s going on in her life.
And let them sleep in whenever you can. Teens need loads of sleep, even more than 9 hours a night. When they stay up late, it’s hard for them to get enough rest. Along with their brains buzzing with all kinds of new connections, their bodies are growing and changing as well and that takes a lot of energy—and sleep.
One more thing that can help: a part-time job. It can be a confidence boost plus a lesson in time management. Some research finds that teens with part-time jobs actually get better grades and can handle stress better. Not to mention, being around adults other than parents can be good. They might come to see that you’re not such an alien after all—imagine that!
The 17 year old is still half crazed.
The 13 year old is just starting on the road of teenage insanity 
.....................I'll miss her LOL
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