You’ve heard it before: open communication is critical to being a good mom. Still, there are some mom moments that can leave you speechless. Here’s how to get through five of them.
“Mom, where do babies come from?” Gulp. Your first instinct might be to change the subject—and fast. But chances are this question will come from a very young child who wouldn’t understand sex if you tried explaining it. For now, just stick to the facts. Say that a baby grows from an egg in mommy’s tummy and comes out of a special place, the vagina. Older children can probably get the idea that men and women like to be close and that sperm sets a baby’s growth in motion. Still not sure what’s age-appropriate? Touch base with the library or your child’s teacher for materials that might fill in the blanks.
“Mom, am I going to die?” Children usually ask this question because something—a dream, a story, the death of a pet—has caused them to become concerned about their own lives. Deep down, they want to make sure they are safe and that you will take care of them. First, ask your child what’s on his mind. Then give him the truth in a reassuring way. Tell him people don’t live forever, but point out family members who have lived to a ripe old age and add that staying healthy helps everyone live long and happy lives. Your child may still not be able to grasp that death is permanent, but giving him an honest answer should help ease his anxiety.
“Mom, the principal wants to talk to you.” Sure, your first urge is to protect your cub like the lioness you are. But school administrators usually don’t call home unless the situation is serious. If your child is misbehaving at school, turn the call from the principal’s office into an opportunity to open up lines of communication and ask pointed questions: Does your child have a history of getting into trouble? Is he acting out because a classmate is bullying him? Also, take an honest look at what’s going on at home. Children can easily build up anger and anxiety at home, only to release it once they get to class.
“Mom, did you ever do drugs?” For those of us who never did, the answer is easy: “No, and I hope you won’t either.” But for the rest of us, the answer may be a bit trickier. You don’t want a “yes” answer to encourage your kids to do something unwise or unsafe. Plus you don’t want to lose their respect. But here’s a news flash: It’s not all about you. Chances are, your teenager is asking because he has friends who have tried drugs or has been approached about them. So give him news he can use. Admit that you did try drugs, but let him know you wish you hadn’t. When he asks why, you can talk about the dangers of drugs and even follow up with some facts and statistics. (For help with that, gather some information at theantidrug.com.) Seeing that you learned your lesson could help him make the right choice for himself.
“Mom, guess who’s coming to dinner?” When your daughter brings home a boyfriend, your first instinct may be to disapprove. But don’t let the couple see you get defensive. Welcoming a love interest with an open heart and attitude helps your daughter feel that you trust her to make her own mature decisions. And the more she trusts herself, the easier it will be for her to see whether her new guy is truly right for her. Still want to find out what he’s really made of? Talk less and listen more. The more he reveals about himself, the more he’ll show you—and your girl—his true character and intentions.
Dress Up a Plain Suit
