There are lots of reasons why blending households makes sense these days: aging parents, a tight economy, little ones in need of daytime supervision, and responsibilities too overwhelming to handle alone. But whether your parents are moving in with you (gulp) or you’re moving back home (double gulp), here are some tips for making the merger as smooth as possible.
Soul-search first. Do you really, really, really want to do this? Decide, then wait a month and re-decide.
Call it a “trial.” This one word takes the pressure off everyone. It’s a reminder that this is an experiment, not a life sentence. It also encourages ongoing assessment.
Acknowledge the elephants. Tell your folks what worries you most about the new arrangement and insist they do the same. Being mutually aware of such concerns makes it less likely they’ll become problems.
Lose a couple hundred pounds. The weight of moving—both physically and mentally—is greatly reduced when you jettison stuff. An underlying reason for family mergers is to simplify life. So start by throwing out that box of high-school textbooks.
Make sure everyone has enough space. Do as much physical renovation as possible to ensure privacy, but at the same time don’t forget to rope off certain topics. For instance, if religion or politics always sparks arguments, agree to make those subjects taboo. And if there are kids/grandkids involved, make it clear that you’re the parent.
Dig into the details. Think through how this new arrangement will affect your insurance, tax situation, health care, even your pets. Free, helpful advice is just a Google search away.
Say no to freeloading. The minute anyone becomes a guest or mooch is when nerves fray, so agree to share expenses and chores. Likewise, decide who gets to park their car in the garage or watch prime-time television.
Hold monthly meetings. Gather everyone, including the kids, to assess how things are going. End the meeting by setting three specific goals for the coming month, and make sure everyone understands their role in realizing them. Then huddle up, join hands, and yell “Team!” (Just kidding.)
Get involved. An important part of making a new home feel like home is becoming part of the neighborhood. Search out activities for parents or yourself in order to make friends and connect. Bonus: It gets you out of the house!
Act like an adult. Your behaving like a kid will instinctively make mom and dad behave like parents, which ultimately drives everyone nuts.
Stay positive. Remember all those advantages we listed at the outset for merging households and all the hard thought you gave this beforehand? Keep that in mind when everyday squabbles arise. Instead of counting to 10, just repeat after us: Big picture, big picture….
Decadent (yet smart!) desserts
