We have a girlfriend who’s been married 15 years, but when she and her husband are together, you’d swear they were newlyweds. He looks into her eyes instead of at her widening thighs, and she still clings to his arm as if he was her prince of charm. For years we’ve wondered how they manage to stay in love, so the other day we asked her.
“We’re still dating,” she replied in a matter-of-fact manner.
“What, you’re not married?”
“No. We have a weekly date night, and it makes all the difference.”
That’s when we had one of those aha moments. Of course! Why didn’t we think of that? Or more precisely, what didn’t we stick with it? (It’s common to try date nights when our kids are small, but most couples give it up for some reason.) Here’s how our friend organizes it, and how you can too.
Sell it positively. If you tell your hubby you feel like you’re drifting apart and you want to reconnect, you’re going to make him nervous. Instead, suggest getting away from the kids, work, and all your other responsibilities and just having fun—like you used to. That way there’s no pressure.
Take turns. If it’s always one person’s job to organize date night, that’ll get stressful over time. So alternate the responsibility. Your turn this week; his turn next.
Keep your plan top secret. Part of the delight of date night is being surprised. So when it’s your week to arrange things, don’t divulge any details beyond how to dress and the time of departure. Oh, and the organizer always drives.
Make your spouse the focus. Don’t do things you want to do. In other words, don’t drag your guy to the mall for the big winter closeout sale. Nor should you force him to watch Sleepless in Seattle even if it’s been digitally remastered. The goal is to make it fun spending time together.
Heighten the anticipation. Call or send him a text at work saying how much you’re looking forward to tonight.
Name your taboo subjects. To keep the focus on the two of you, set some conversation boundaries. For example, you can make it a rule not to bring up the kids, your jobs, or your in-laws.
Say what you appreciate. At some point in the evening, tell your guy what you appreciate about him. Pick one little thing, but make it specific and heartfelt. Then resist the urge to ask him to do the same. Eventually, he’ll get the idea.
Touch. Hold hands, put your arm through his, sneak a kiss…. Nothing adds more sizzle to a relationship than a small show of public affection.
Oh, and don’t forget to end the evening by asking, quite sincerely, if you’ll have the pleasure of seeing him again. Maybe next Thursday?
Everyday Things You Shouldn't Trust
