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I’m Coming Back Home
Once, they were on their own, but now things have changed. Your child calls to let you know they need to move back home. What do you do? Do you charge rent? What if you’ve remodeled their room? How would you handle this situation? |
I have experienced this with both of my boys...I think they have to go out and see what the REAL world really offers. I don't charge rent but I denamd respect. We expect them to continue trying to become self sufficient. In today's economy...I don't see any other way.
I think that you should charge a small amount of rent, say $100 . You could use this money to save for something or pay off a billl. They should be responsible for all of their car expenses and insurance. Also do some chores and cook one meal each week. They are adults so start acting like adults !
We have one daughter, who is going through a divorce. She and her toddler son have moved back home. We haven't asked for anything but my husband's work has really slowed down and our income has dropped approx $600 a month. She does work and gets a small amount of child support. My husband and I don't are reluctant to ask for help. She lives here and sees the bills piling up. Any suggestions on how we should handle this?By Donna on Wednesday am
I think you should charge a small and resonable amount say between $75-$150 (obviously far lower than rent anywhere else). This way you are still providing a place to live but are teaching responsibility. The child should also make their own meals, clean up after themselves, and perhapse do some extra work around the house.
I think it depends on why they are coming back home and who is coming with them. We had one son return home to clean up his life and if we had charged him I am sure he would have left and we would have lost him, instead we now have a grown up son who is working and a Sr. in college. It was sooooo hard, trust me on this one, but three years later it was worth every problem and every penny it cost. We have firends who kids moved back home to save money to buy a house..in that case I think they could help out with the extra cost of having three more living under your roof. I would say pray on it and follow how feel after that.
I would charge them rent and they would have to pay for half the food bill also and tell them ther'e not living here free he or she would have to help with the chores
If I had kids, I would welcome them home with open arms and let them know they are always welcome. I wouldn't charge rent. They're my children! Goodness, people! Don't be so stuck on this coupon lifestyle that you can't recognize what is truly important in life! I'd probably just have them pay their own food and their own other purchases. Utilities would be so negligible that it wouldn't be worth dividing.
When we retired we purchased a home large enough to accomodate company, or if our parents or children need to move in with us. Charging rent depends on the circumstances. Anyone moving into your home should be expected to help out and follow the rules of common courtesy. It depends on the reason for someone moving home; if they are saving money to buy a house, then by all means, charge them rent. It will still be less than renting another place. If they are homeless due to joblessness, why would you charge them? Encouraging them to look for work, establish savings and getting back on their feet is the right thing to do. I do not believe in supporting bad habits however. If they have money for alcohol & cigarettes or partying on a regular basis, then it's time to charge rent.
About 10-12 years ago I moved back in with my parents, for about a year. I then bought a house and moved out. My mom made me pay $100/month rent. I didn't like it, but I did it anyway. About 5 years ago she told me she had some money for me to use to pay off a bill, or I could use it for bills when I got pregnant. It had grown to almost $2000. I had no idea! I am thankful now she did that for me! It was my own money!
One of my sons moved back home after college (about 18 months ago), the other one just moved back after living on his own for about 2 years. They are 23 & 22 years old, respecitvely. They are both resposible for their own expenses, cell phone, car payment/insurance, health insurance etc. I do charge them $25 a week, each, which I have put into a money market accounts in each of their names. They don't know about these accounts so it will be a nice surprise for them if they ever decide to leave again. If there should come a time when I need help paying the household bills, I will keep the weekly money for my own use.
If you are grown, then you should be responsible for yourself. My oldest brother lives with my mother and she splits the utilities evenly, that is his rent. He is responsible for his own food, car, etc. and is expected to pitch in with household responsibilities.Sorry, but there is no free lunch, and no free rides. Even my young son understands that the way his uncle lives is not the way things should be- when he is old enough, he needs to have a job and pay for his own home and things. I love my kids, but having them dependent on me when they are adults is NOT love.
- Donna said:
We have one daughter, who is going through a divorce. She and her toddler son have moved back home. We havent asked for anything but my husbands work has really slowed down and our income has dropped approx $600 a month. She does work and gets a small amount of child support. My husband and I dont are reluctant to ask for help. She lives here and sees the bills piling up. Any suggestions on how we should handle this?By Donna on Wednesday am
Hi Donna, My sister actually moved herself and her daughter in with my mother. My mom's income dropped and my sister saw the bills piling up too but didn't offer to help. My mom is now losing her house because she felt bad asking my sister for help. When I asked my sister why she didn't offer to help, she told me it was because mom never asked and she thought mom was just being messy with the mail. (Hmm... not sure if I am buying that but that's what I was told!) My sister said that had my mom asked, she would have done as much as she could to help out!I would sit your daughter down and explain your finances. I am sure she'd be more than willing to help! ~M
I agree with the last coment you are not helping them if you just keep letting them move back in all the time we have had 4 of our children move in with us at different times and they have learned . except for the last ones they still have to realize that the world does not own them a living they need to do it on there own another baby due soon and not even ajob to take care of anything very sad and not good on parents to think they have to keep bailing them out.
Our culture is sad. Of course my children are always welcome under my roof, same as our parents are welcome to live and stay with us. I have never had a home without 'extended' family, even growing up there was Gram and my Mom's youngest cousin when he was on leave from service. As I was making my way, a wide group of my family from Auntys to Grandparents would have & did welcome me under their roofs as well. It is family, you don't charge rent. I have an adult child under my roof working on his Master's. Costs no more to have him here and helps me out a lot with around the house tasks, peace of mind too.
- Pam said:
About 10-12 years ago I moved back in with my parents, for about a year. I then bought a house and moved out. My mom made me pay $100/month rent. I didnt like it, but I did it anyway. About 5 years ago she told me she had some money for me to use to pay off a bill, or I could use it for bills when I got pregnant. It had grown to almost $2000. I had no idea! I am thankful now she did that for me! It was my own money!
I LOVE that idea. My daughter is about to move back in for a little while, and I read that as a suggestion somewhere else, so I'm glad to see it works. I already have a savings acct for her she doesn't know about, so that might work! Thanks!
We have both our kids (22 and 24) back home with us and we consider it our "bonus year"! They have both graduated from college. One is applying to PhD programs and doing lots of volunteer work. The other is living his dream as a semi professional poker player. This will not last forever and both will be gone before the year is up, so we are enjoying each day. They both pitch in with household chores and do not expect us to pay their bills and we do not charge rent. It has been challenging to all get along in a small house again as four adults, but we are all learning from it. We would have not had it any other way.
I have had both of my boys return home. My oldest after getting out of the military before he went off to college and the other before he moved out of state. They both paid $50. a week. This included food (unless they wanted something specific that we don't eat, like soda, chips etc.) We used this extra money to help pay the increased utilites. They both have thanked us for letting them "come home" and didn't overstay there welcome. I think they both appreciate that we were there when they needed us and realize it's alot easier living at home but they also respected our rules of the house by letting us know when they went out somewhere about what time to expect them back. They helped with chores and did their own laundry, we kept it as similar to when they lived there after they finished high school. This helped them but kept them wanting to go out on their own as soon as they could go. I also feel they now know they can come back if they really need to but I'm sure it will be a last resort.
I don't know that I could/would charge rent per se, but I would expect them to pick up some groceries (and pay for them), do some cleaning, and help a bit with the utility bills, etc. I think as a parent, I would always have an open door for my kids if they need it...just as my parents have always felt me feel that way.
I have 3 children, 2 boys 23 & 21, and one daughter 17. My youngest son is in college and comes home for some of the holidays, and then for the summer. He works part-time, and pays for his car, insurance, etc. I have always told him, that as long as he is in school he only has to pay for those basic things. My oldest son is in the Navy, and last year he was stationed at a base 30 minutes from here. He knew he would only be there for a year, and then would be going to sea. So, it did not make any sense for him to buy a house, and he is not even home enough to justify renting an apartment. So, he moved back home. He paid me $200 a month, 1/3 of the utilities, had his own car and insurance, and helped out with the groceries and the cooking. The majority of what he paid for I did not ask for, but he said it was the right thing for him to do. In addition to helping out monetarily, he has set a great example for his brother and sister. They both know this will always be their home, but if they have to move back here they should help out when and where they can. Sometimes, I think we forget there are other ways to help pay for things than just money. My son often helped out with picking up and dropping off his sister at school gatherings, or a friend's house so I did not have to leave work early. That also insured that I did not lose money by working less. I think that if a child has to move back home, the reason why should play a large part in how they will "pay" their way. I do not believe any of my children should just lay around the house and let me support them after they are adults, but if one of them moves back home because of the economy I would try to help them get back on their feet. If they are saving money to move back out, then their rent can be various chores and paying for for their own personal items. I would hope, that anytime this situation should arise, both parties would sit down before hand and have an adult conversation about finances, expectations, and various ways to ensure that things run smoothly.
I am living this big time. My oldest (26) has moved back home with my two granddaughters (3 & 8 months) then my middle child had a car accident totaled her car due to bills has moved back home. My son(21) hasn't ventured out on his own yet. They all pay rent according to there salary. one pays 100.00 one pays 150.00 the other pays what she can due to the two children. they all have to help with chores and wash. there are rules about what time they come home. this is a home not a hotel. that is my favorite saying and they do respect it. the secret is do not let them become to comfortable if they are over the age of 18 remember you are doing them a favor by opening up your home to them again. they need to understand they have to keep pushing for independance that they should be working toward that goal. I insist on seeing bankbooks so i know that a huge part of each paycheck is going toward saving for their future independance. good luck to all the parents out there going through this i know how hard it is and that there are times that you feel like pulling your hair out. take a deep breath and thank God they have a home to come to.
Our 19 year old daughter just moved back in with us. She really didn't want to but her roommate wasn't paying her half of the bills. She is responsible for all of her own bills and is working and going to school full time. We don't charge her rent but expect her to do chores and help babysit her siblings when needed. I think as long as a child is in need and not just taking advantage of the situation you should try to help family out. Letting her move back in for a while will help her be more successful in the long run :)
When my husband had us move in with his mother (to save money, he lost his job after moving in, we were doing well prior to moving in), we told her we would help pay the bills. All she asked is that we provided our own food. She didn't ever tell us the amount of her bills, until 3 months later. She wanted an amount that was equal to the entire bill for her water and electric use. Keep in mind she has 3 young children, it was just my husband and myself. I would cook our food and theirs, and make it into a family dinner, because she would never cook for her kids, and they started to eat our food. It was extremely difficult and now there are burnt bridges. I wouldn't recommend it!
- Megan said:
If I had kids, I would welcome them home with open arms and let them know they are always welcome. I wouldnt charge rent. Theyre my children! Goodness, people! Dont be so stuck on this coupon lifestyle that you cant recognize what is truly important in life! Id probably just have them pay their own food and their own other purchases. Utilities would be so negligible that it wouldnt be worth dividing.
It depends on how they act in your home. What if they are leaving TV's and computers on all night? If that's the case, I think they should pay half of the rent.Jan
I have been fortunate enough to have parents that allowed me and my young daughter to move back home when I lost my job and while I was going to school full time. The situation lasted about 4 months. they did not ask me to pay rent, pay utilities, or buy food. I found a job as soon as I moved in but the money I was making was just enough to cover daycare and my car payment and my insurance. I always made sure to show them respect and live by the same rules I had when I was a teenager. They always knew where I was going and when I would be home. I took care of not only my and my daughters chores (laundry, dishes, cooking, etc.) but I also did my parents. I made sure not to overstay my welcome. I know that my mom especially loved having us there and missed us when we were able to move out. I think that each situation is different and each family needs to make the decision for themselves based on how they were brought up.
The rent thing all depends. If they are in school full time I wouldnt charge rent or if they lost their job at no fault of there own I wouldnt either. But if they work I would charge them something because now I have to make and buy enough food to include there appatite. Hopefully that doent happen to me, I cant wait to be alone with me husband. Atleast for a little while. LOL
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