It was a typical Tuesday night. I eased my car into the driveway, my mind already tapping through the evening’s routine: homework-piano practice-dinner-bath-bed. (Oh, and in-between, glance at mail, listen to phone messages, feed cats—separately, or the greedy one will wolf the shy one’s food—and bundle up recycling.)
My 8-year-old daughter chattered in the backseat—“…we got to ride the scooters in gym, and it was awesome, and Ms. Jenny really liked my story…” but I was on autopilot, mumbling “uh-huh” every 10 seconds while rehearsing the drill that would carry us from car to table to tub.
I can’t help it, having my brain tuned to the Efficiency Channel 24/7. I must have inherited the planning gene from my mom—or maybe just learned the habit from watching her scribble lists on the backs of old envelopes. I’ve been known to bolt out of bed at 1 AM to scratch down some crucial item—Call roofer! Pick up photos! Birthday card to Aunt Alice!—before I can relax back into sleep.
On weekday evenings during the school year, my organizational motor kicks into overdrive. During the 2-hour window between aftercare pickup and good-night kiss, I can easily slip into drill-sergeant mode, barking directions at my daughter: “Time to set the table! Dishes to the sink! Upstairs, march!” Some nights, I can barely resist the impulse to time her toothbrushing.
But on that night, Sasha didn’t move from the backseat, even after I’d stopped the car. “Let’s get a basket and pick honeysuckle from across the street.”
“What?” Honeysuckle was not on the agenda. I twisted around; her eyes were wide with pleading. “Come on. It won’t take long.”
Okay, a 5-minute derailment. Inside the house, Sasha emptied a basket of doll clothes onto the floor. In a moment, we were clasping hands, looking both ways before dashing across the street to our neighbor’s front yard.
Their honeysuckle was abundant and unruly, a tangle of greens and blossoms. Sasha had an eye for the most tender flowers: “Don’t pick those stiff ones; they don’t taste good,” she advised. “Pick me up, so I can get the high ones.” Behind us, the H bus rumbled past. The sky darkened to an exquisite shade of sapphire. We filled our basket with tiny, creamy stars.
“Okay, that’s enough,” Sasha pronounced, and we skipped back to our own front door. She set the table, giving each of us a heap of blossoms as a sort of flowery garnish to the chicken nuggets and frozen peas. We sat side by side, alternating bites of dinner with sips of nectar, murmuring our pleasure: “Mmm…that was a good one.” Each blossom holds just a whisper of sweetness, a honeyed moment that’s over as quickly as it starts.
I can’t remember if Sasha practiced “The Pony Song” on the piano that night. I think I checked her homework. Couldn’t tell you what time she rolled into bed. But this part, I recall vividly: Lifting my daughter into the dark-blue night to reach the highest blooms, tasting nectar from flowers smaller than my pinky, ignoring the phone and forgetting the clock, remembering that the sweetest pleasures are the ones we cannot plan.
Anndee Hochman still has lists humming in her head and sticky notes plastering her daybook, but she tries, at her daughter’s frequent urging, to take time to taste the honeysuckle, touch the pansy’s silken petal, and notice the coral streak in the evening sky.
Comments from Members
That is what life is really about. Thank you for the slowdown.
I have to agree, sometimes you just can't plan the best parts of life with your kids. Take time to remember what it's like to enjoy what God has given around us.
Very true I am a list keeper and army sergeant with my 7 kids! I forget to stop and look around sometimes! Thanks for the reminder
My son left for college this month and what I wouldn't give for just one more chance to sit on the floor and play Legos or to refrain from yelling "no" when he stomps in a puddle. It all goes so fast. I wish I'd savored the moments when he offered them.
This story brought tears to my eyes.It gives A whole new meaning to the saying,"Stop and smell the roses."We need reminders to bring us down to earth when we get caught up in our busy schedules sometimes.
I agree. My two girls have left the nest, and I worked two jobs to be able to keep a roof over there heads. I do look back and wished that I had another Friday night or Sunday afternoon with them. Again, thanks for the reminder and let us all stop and taste the honey.
Nice! I completely agree. I've never had honeysuckle, now I really want to try it. I also make a point to bend down and smell a lovely flower or watch the sunrise/sunset. I have a very long commute by bus and I make a point to wake up for the sunrise and sunset and also to see the NY skyline both in the morning with the sunrise behind it and in the evening all lite up. Then see the sunset over the mountains by my home. Makes the long day a little less stressful.
I really liked this story. We do become so busy in our lives that we forget we do have lives. This should be a wake up call for us as parents to literally wake up and smell the honeysuckles!
This puts a great TRUE meaning to the title VOCAL POINT! Thanks I too am a empty nester, and loved every minute with the kids. Waiting for the grandkids to come inbetween my feast or famine job.
Thanks for the reminder to savor your children while they are still children. My 8 mth. old seems to grow by the day! I was packing away his newborn clothes yesterday and was suprised by the urge to cry. Where did my baby go?
Although I have never tasted honeysuckle, I am one of those who is learning to smell the roses. I have chosen not to let the pile of laundry or the to do list no longer control my life. A therapist once told me, after all it will not say on your tombstone, "Her laundry was never finished". And it's true, there will always be laundry and a to do list, but the time spent with family and friends making memories is fleeting.
It's nice to hear that all mom's are not perfect. I have a extremly busy schedule with my daughters and this was a great reminder that everyday should have at least one of these moments!
Stories like this are wonderful! A welcome reawakening to the moments that really matter in our lives.
Lovely.
Thx bunches for posting this story...it's a good reminder that little things are too important to let pass by...my oldest is in her senior year of high school...seems like yesterday she was a baby...my youngest is 9 years old...total I have 4 of them...and with a busy life sometimes it's hard to slow down...thx for the reminder that these moments won't last but we can make them into memories that will last :)
A lovely lesson for us all. -J
Again thanks for reminding us to slow down. I have 3 babies, 2 sons and a daughter. I feel like I have missed way too much! I am sorry to all my friends that I have seemed to forgotten about. Diana, Angel and Autumn that includes you........I miss you all alot. Hard for you to imagine I am sure. Get in touch with me, Joey will be tickled I am sure. Right now he keeps telling me we should get a divorce, He says I will be better off like that.
Oh how true,I think of that song year,s back ,it went like this The Cats In The Cradle ,and the silver spoon,and the man in the moon.When you coming home dad ,I don"t know when ,but will get together then you know will have a good time then.But there is more to the song then that .It,s the little thing,s that mean so much .But what a lovely letter so sweet.Cat Stevens he is the one that sang it.
Angela, divorce is not the answer; I hope you're not really serious. I recommend you read Debi Pearl's "Created to be his Help Meet". My youngest and I rescued floundering earthworms after summer storms, watched the night sky for the International Space Station to float by, braved cold winter air to view the stars, and thrilled to the solar eclipse's effects in the mid-90's. It's definitely worth it to share 'wow' moments with your children and makes great scrapbook pictures!
Sometimes life throughs you a curve ball, but look what the end result was . It's not always bad, but it make you stop & think. Thank's Debra
Wonderful! A good reminder to take a moment to "stop and smell the roses" which makes a hectic life bearable.
Those moments will be remembered forever: @ her graduation from High School... as she graduates from College w/ her PHD... on her wedding video... during the birth of her 1st child (your 1st grandchild)... and as she too picks up her daughter/son to pick honeysuckle flowers on a late night after school...
What a wonderful story on a particularly hectic day. A great reminder of what is important in life!
Honeysuckle is one that I always have time to stop for. Makes me want to plant some but my yard is small and it has a way of taking over. I do love it.
