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Keeping in Touch with Your Siblings - Default
In many families, moving away is a common part of growing up. How do you stay close with your siblings when you don’t live near them. How do you deal with siblings who leave you out or don’t visit when they’re in town. A Vocalpoint member wants to know what to do! |
I have discovered that just because you share a bloodline with someone does not mean you will share automatic chemistry. I have had friends in my life that I felt closer to than my own sister and brother. Our personalities are so complex and varied that when we are fortunate enough to meet people that we bond with, we should not take it for granted.
I am fortunate enough to have my brother and sister withen 30 miles from me. But a phone call or email can do wonders. Keep in touch, let them know what you are up to and ask about them. Someday they will come to realize your intentions are sincere. My husbands sisters live far away and we don't get to see them but once a year (sometimes) I email and let them know what is going on in our lives, they don't reciprocate but I feel better knowing I am trying to keep the link in the family. And if you have found such a dear friend, GREAT! I don't have that so I envy you! my mother, sister and daughter are my best friends.
My sisters and I live 700+ miles apart. Needless to say we cannot spend a great deal of time together. When one of our sisters died last year, the importance of "sisterhood" came sharply into focus. We scheduled a "Sister's Weekend" the second week of August, 2008 and the remaining three sisters met in Cincinnati for a three day weekend with no husbands, no kids and no cell phones/laptops. It was incredible to say the least. We shared the expense of a hotel room and it was actually a very inexpensive weekend. We laughed, we cried, we told stories and we vowed we would do it every year from now on. In August of this year, we reserved a gorgeous cabin in the Smoky Mountains and again shared three very precious days. Throughout the year, we stay in touch on a daily/weekly basis and think and brainstorm about where we want to go next. We do the research, put our ideas on the table, make a decision and then the fun begins! We have found that this one weekend a year has been the best thing for our relationship. We realized that God, in his infinite wisdom, chose US to be sisters and that we must treasure and develop that relationship as long as we live and we are absolutely loving that decision. I went from having almost no relationship with my sisters since I moved away 22 years ago to having a deep loving relationship with them and that....is a priceless treasure.
I, too have a sibling that lives away. When she comes into town, she visits my sister, brother and mother. I am very close with family except for her. It hurts, but I can't change things. So, when I do see her for the holidays, I'm very nice. I email her from time to time to update her on my life and to find out about hers, but no response. I'm older and the only one married, don't know if that has anything to do with her lack of interest or not. I do have friends that I feel so much closer to, weird, HuH? So, my saga continues and probably always will. It does get easier each passing day. I'm just glad to have my mom and other siblings.
I am having problems with my older sibling who is much older than my younger sister and I. After our parents died, we tried to be closer, but it was hard. We do alot of stuff for her kids and their kids, but it does not seem appreciated. Recently, we had a big blow up. One of my cousins posted some hateful things on facebook about my younger sister and I. I have only helped this girl in her life. My niece is getting married in a couple of weeks and I told my sister I could not go to the wedding with this person there after what she said. My older sister said she would not tell my cousin not to come to the wedding, I am heartbroken, due to my health I can't be stressed and going to the wedding with her there would put undue stress on me, and it is not right that my sister would rather my cousin go than her own sisters.
i do share the agony/pleasure/wiered ness of not having close relationsip to my sisters.. i do feel more connected to my friends..but i do keep in touch with a phone call a week.. it seems to me that there has to be one commom ground now for us are our kids to feel that connection again but also adds complexity of being into another family..we all r married .. so we have own life to live but i feel sad when i see other sisters share a deep connection. I do my best though to keep it going always !
Twenty-one years ago I moved from the bay area in California to Columbia, MO. My family, Mom and sisters were still in CA. We kept in touch with weekly phone calls. Later both my sisters and I got computers and we email alot. One will start a letter, send to another and then to the third sister. The third sister would start a new letter responding to the others and around we'd go. Then we'd copy the letters and mail them to Mom.After the first couple of years we started taking turns flying back and forth. Mom passed away in 2000. We miss her and keep her memory alive by sharing memories when we get together.It's work but worth it to keep in touch.
I am a 'middle chiild' and the only girl. Growing up, I idolized my big brother. He was so cool! But when he turned 18, he left home and never looked back. I was heart-broken and confused. to this day, I don't know where I stand with him. He comes to the city close to where I live, but never calls to sy meet for lunch, or anything. He is an executive for a large company, but he never has time for his family. I keep in close contact with the younget brother and we share everything.Love them both dearly.
All 4 of us stay in touch but not closely. The elder two we hear about through parental updates or directly a few times a year via email mainly. The younger and I are close and stay in touch via email phone and even texting.
I moved away from my home (VA) when I was sixteen and moved to GA to live with my step-aunt & uncle. Want go into th details, but just had to leave. All my family live in VA. I have 4 brothers, lots of nieces and newphews and I truly miss them alot. Growing up my brothers we always had a close relationship and still do. I do try and visit a couple times a year, but what saddens me is they always want me and my husband (my parents) to come there and it breaks my heart that my family members want drive here. But thanks to facebook I am able to stay in touch all the time. But sure would like it if they came here once in awhile. I can't even remember when it was the last time they came here.
Me and my siblings are not the normal. We met when we were adults being from a split family and living miles apart. Since, being the oldest, I make sure to call them every other weekend no matter what...And, we are going on vacation next week together. I haven't seen them in eight years so we made it happen...Can't wait to spend time with them in Vegas!!
Family ties can be such an emotional roller coaster...there are three girls in my family. I have one sister who has alienated my mother from me and our other sister to gain control of my mom and her assets. But the upside to this is my baby sister and I have grown very close and speak everyday at least once. We tell each other we love you everytime! We realize how very special it is to have someone who knows what you are going through.
My mom died in 2003 and my sister managed to take what little money there was. Needless to say, we haven't spoken since. It really wasn't the money, what little there was, it was the type of person she turned out to be. I have since connected with friends I hadn't seen in 40 yrs. that are more generous with kindness and caring, then she ever was.I have to agree with Jackie, bloodline does not always mean that you are close.
I live 4 hours from my family , yet they will come down here and drive right past my house to get to the beach to fish. Sometimes I wont even know they had been here until they are already back to their homes. Surely leaves me feeling sad since when I make trips uo there I make it a point to stop by and see each of them. Sometimes I wonder why I even have a guest room... We used to be so close when I lived up there. We would all gather at my house every Friday with our young children for a big dinner. We have lived down here for 4 yrs now and I have been visited only by one of my 3 brothers in the last 3 yrs! I hate that we are growing apart, but not sure how to correct the problem. I am always asking when they will come to visit...
My sister and I are pretty close and usually email and call each other several times a month. She lives about 3 hours away from me. The real problem is on my husbands side. His younger brother, who was given special treatment as a child due to health issues and thinks he's still entitled to such, is the problem. He married a woman from overseas. And she has to be one of the most vile people I have ever met. About 4 yrs ago they quit coming for Thanksgiving and Christmas with the rest of us and personally I don't think any of us miss them. We don't have to be concerned about saying the wrong thing in front of their kids. Even though their oldest son lied to the principal at our Jr High to get my son in trouble. Fortunately my son had the smarts to have the principal call the 3rd kid into identify him and the kid said its not him, its the cousin. But yet the rest of our kids are the problem. Their 2 youngest kids don't even know who we are when they see us. I feel sorry for them because my husband & I both remember the fun times we had with our cousins when we were kids. And even to this day we try to see them when we can. Sometimes you just have to realize that no matter what you do its not going to be right or good enough and you just have to let go. The rest of us just decided they were the ones cheating their kids of knowing and having a good time with their cousins.
I'm not close to my brother and sister, or mother for that matter. When I see families that love to get together I'm secretly jealous. I hope that my children can have closer relationships when they get older.
My husband grew up in a large family, but refuses to stay in touch via phone or mail. Each month I take digital photos of the ordinary things going on in our lives and write a letter to go with the photos. His siblings pass the letters around to know what's going on their brother's life. Then they e-mail him to update him with their lives. My point is that my husband actually is interested in his siblings, but somehow can't bring himself to make the initial contact. I have to initiate those contacts. Perhaps your siblings are like my husband and need someone to help them communicate with you.
Wow! I really agree with just because you are blood doesn't mean you are connected! I am the youngest of a very large family. I was the last one home as my older siblings married and moved on - some near & some far. We all were very close as and always looked out for eacher regardless of the miles between. However, because I was the last one home, I grew very close to my parents, and a wonderful relationship with them. And them with my boyfriend who eventually became my husband. Our family went through horrific tragedies and we continued to be there for each other. That all changed 2 years ago. I don't really know what happened, and my head still reels from trying to figure it out! My eldest sister had moved away as soon as she got married. Ultimately she ended up in the U.K. for 10 yrs. During that time, we all remained close until she and her husband moved back to the states. They both seemed to be having a hard time dealing with their move back and adjusting back to American life full-time. Near as I can figure out is that my older sister & another older sister were jealous over the relationship my mother (my dad died in 2001) had with my family & myself. She was as much a part of my immediate family as any grandma could be. My husband would do anything for my mom and her for us. Anyway, in the summer of 2007 my sister & her husband said & did some really horrible things that caused my entire family to take on a whole new dynamic. They lied and turned the rest of my siblings against myself & my husband. Worse yet, our relationship with my mom is no longer the same. We no longer speak regularly, and family holidays & get togethers are far & few between. The hurt was so intense that I needed to go to therapy & take anti-deprssents. I've seen my sister twice since, but I refuse to talk to her. I still try to maintain a relationship w/my mom because she is elderly and for the sake of my children. They suffered enough because of this and I do want them to have a relationship w/their only remaining grandparent. I too feel jealous when I see the closeness of families. I try desperatly to keep my kids relationship strong! It's frustrating that jealousy, stubborness, & pride can rip apart the essance of a family!
There are seven of us and we always have a blast when we are together. We are spread all over the US and Germany. We were all under the same roof for the first time in 30 years a few weeks ago and it thrilled dad and mom. There would always be one of us (usually my brother from Germany) missing. We all "stay in touch" through updates from mom and dad. We all realize that one day those updates will cease and we will need to be proactive to stay in touch. Luckily most of us have facebook and it is a great beginning. We all get so busy with life and our own families, we can get too forgetful of following up. Facebook does help with that though -- I just hope we can all keep in touch over the years, and being the oldest, I'm going to do my best to make sure we do.
I feel so much better having read everyone's posts. I am adopted and have never felt close to my parents or older brother. My dad died when I was in high school - my mom and brother then suffered with depression which put a huge strain on our relationships and it has never improved since. My brother lives 20 miles from me (he is not married nor does he have children) and he never calls, visits or anything, even on my kids' birthdays. I have found my birth family and truly feel connected with them, I am grateful that I am able to have at least some sense of "belonging" but I have decided that a one-way relationship is too difficult for me to maintain alone and I can't make someone want to be involved. Just because we share a common past does not mean we share a common future. I'm definitely sad about it but need to move forward.
I have 2 brothers, one older and one younger. My older brother lives in another state, about 1000 miles away. My younger brother lives in my state, about 3 hrs away. I am much closer to my older brother and we keep in touch via phone calls and email. My younger brother and his wife are very cold to my husband and me, for some reason, although we have reached out to them many times. Just recently I have begun feeling that I am tired of making the effort to get together and stay in touch with him, since he never reciprocates. I was feeling guilty about it at first, but am not anymore. When he is ready to be in touch with me again, I'll respond, but he'll have to make the first step. I always wished I had a sister but my older brother and I can talk about anything, so at least I have him.
I stay in touch alot via the internet. you can send notes talk to them on the IM and send pictures and etc...
I have six siblings some of them I talk to alot and like to see as much as possible and others I try to love at a distance and avoid as much as possible.
It's always difficult moving away from family, however there are several ways of staying close via telephone, e-mail, Facebook and myspace, or visiting . I enjoy writing and write quite frequently and still call on the phone and visit whe possible. There are always those who for one reason or another chose not to stay in touch. I am only responsible for my actions......they are responsible for theirs. We have a nephew who comes to Portland, Maine every year on vacation, just 20 minutes from us, yet they chose to neither call or visit. It's their loss. You cannot force people to love. We are to love unconditionally. Whether they accept that love is up to them. I chose to love and forgive.
I have 2 older brothers, one of whom I'm in contact with sporatically as he lives 1/2 hour away. The other lives 2 hours away, in a city I visit often. I will email "the other" brother trying to stay in contact but he will never reply unless I specifically ask him to let me know if he got the email. Then he will just reply "got it" - nothing else. Because both our parents are deceased, he stays at my house for 2 nights at Christmas but generally that is the only time I see him. Because he makes no effort to stay in touch and also works 3rd shift, I make no special effort to try to see him when I'm in his city. Most of the time he doesn't even know I was there. He is never married, no kids and I am divorced with 2 teens. We get along okay when he is here, but I guess we really have nothing in common any more, and it's sad. I truly fear that one day I will get a phone call from the police in his town that he has passed (he's in his 50s) and wasn't found for several days because he's such a loner. That scares me, and I wish he would reciprocate in my efforts to stay in touch. Until then, I just have to accept that's how he is and not take it personally.
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