The other night we were at a dinner party with a middle-aged couple who—get this—called each other “Pookie” and “Schmoopy” the entire evening.
“Schmoopy, could you pass the vinaigrette?”
“Why certainly, Pookie.”
“Schmoopy, would you like a touch more zinfandel?”
“I’d love some, Pookie.”
And so on. If Pepto-Bismol were on the dessert menu, everyone else at the table would have ordered doubles.
You’ve probably had similar experiences with grown men and women calling each other Cupcake, Sweet Cheeks, or some other sugary nickname in public. But rather than being annoyed the next time it happens, maybe we should all pay more attention. A recent study found that couples using so-called “insider language” enjoy a higher degree of satisfaction in their relationship. It seems that terms of endearment really do endear us to each other. And as hard as it may be to stomach, Pookie and Schmoopy are probably pretty happy. To take advantage in your own relationship, here’s what experts suggest.
Get more creative. Chances are, you already have affectionate nicknames for each other. Darling, Baby, and Honey are a good place to start, but there’s always room to branch out. One of the reasons why pet names strengthen relationships (according to the researchers) is because they make the two of you feel like you’re in an exclusive club or sharing a private joke. So Stud Muffin, Indiana, and Honey Money are all fair game.
Keep it positive. Stick to nicknames that are playful, not hurtful or teasing. The aim is to conjure up pleasant experiences you shared, not embarrassing ones. So Pooh Bear only works if it refers to his cuddliness.
Go public. Don’t be afraid to use your pet names outside the home. Just don’t get all schmoopy. Speak softly and privately—which makes it all the more exciting.
Use ’em to get what you want. Pet names can be used in sneaky ways, too. For instance, if your guy is trying to get back in shape, calling him Iron Buns or Muscles will encourage him to stick with it. And sometimes, using a funny nickname in the middle of an argument can help diffuse the situation.
Make up your own language. Don’t forget about code words that only the two of you can decipher. When it’s time to split from the party, you might say something like: “I’ve had it with Hollywood.” When you’re “in the mood,” some couples might say: “Want to help me change the sheets?” Have fun creating your own terms.
Decadent (yet smart!) desserts
