Judging from the outfits on Project Runway or in the fashion mags, it seems like anything goes when it comes to clothes these days. So it’s easy to see why kids may want to dress themselves—shall we say?—more creatively. But whether they’re toddlers or teens, sometimes what they want to wear can wear on us. Why not try to strike a compromise? Here are a few things to consider when it comes to keeping clothing calm (on both sides).
Try to Make It “Give and Take”
It’s easy to forget in the heat of the clothing moment, but most times our kids are just reaching for a little independence and individuality. (A quick peek back at our childhood photos can be enlightening, to say the least.) They see clothing as an easy place to assert who they are, what they like. A lot of the choices and events in their day, they may not have much control over—what time they go to school, how they get there, what they eat for lunch—but clothing is a slice of their life where choice is possible. So maybe there are times when they choose—like when your little guy wants to wear his SpongeBob SquarePants costume to the grocery store. And then there are times when it’s clear that you choose (or at least approve)—like what they wear to worship service or Grandma’s house.
Consider Just a Few Upfront Rules
If your 6-year-old insists on wearing her Uggs to the pool, that’s one thing. Doing so isn’t going to do her any harm, and she’ll soon realize they make her feet hot. But on the other hand, if she insists on wearing her new Crocs in the snow, it’s time to step in. Setting just a few clear boundaries centering around what’s weather-appropriate and what’s too revealing, for instance, can help set expectations everyone can live with. And don’t forget cleanliness—it’s easy to overlook, especially from a kid’s point of view. Make a simple rule that clothing choices shouldn’t be dirty or smelly. If your child has a favorite outfit he insists on wearing every day, buy duplicates. To encourage him to use the laundry basket, attach a basketball hoop above it.
Plan Ahead
If your child picks out their own clothes to wear, have them do it the night before. That way, you can head off any problems in the morning, when time pressures can make tempers more likely to flare. And think about asking why particular outfits or clothing items are their favorites—it can help you agree on what’s most important when picking out new clothes. Maybe it’s just about the color or the fabric.
Focus on Subtle Steering
To guide younger children in the right direction, store older or out-of-season items in places that are difficult to reach. And with all ages, compliment good choices. If your child comes downstairs looking pretty good, go ahead and tell them so. No need to gush; just say: “You look really nice today.” When they’re dressed less desirably, don’t say anything. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
Comments from Members
I always give my kids a choice on what they wear to school or church however, I am the one who gives them the options to coose from. This way I am still really in control and they are still making choices. The other thing I have tried is the closet organizers with the five or six cubbies. Then on Sunday nights the children and I would set out the clothes for the week and then there wouldn't be a fight in the mornings as we are all getting ready for our day.
I usually make my choices on what they wear when we buy them. I might speak up if we are going somewhere more formal but, otherwise, as long as it's appropriate for the weather/season, I've gotten to where it's not worth the battle. Some of the times I've taken a quick picture so they can laugh when they're older.
Our school district requires a preset uniform. While that may sound restrictive to many, it has been a real plus for me and my children (grades 4 and 7). The children really don't seem to mind but sometimes parents can be a bit testy about it.
Really impressed with the concepts stressed in this article, especially explaining how important this is to kids and why they feel the need. Being rejected and discouraged from expressing being who I was, at a time of self discovery, by my parents and siblings was very damaging to my psyche as I entered teen hood. It has continued to instill self doubt and hold me back for many years.No one looks back at the photos of who they were in the past without cringing from time to time. The person you present yourself as at 13 is not the same person you will be at 43. Worry about your child's heart, not their hair. Care about their moral compass not their musical tastes. Tolerance is more important than a T shirt.I will remember it all and when my child starts to express the identity she feels, I will give acceptance and tolerance that is vital for self esteem, knowing full well that sometimes I must fake it."Mom isn't this song awesome?" (She did not get the memo:Rap is Crap)"She has a nice voice" (Take the high road)And yes we both wear our pajamas to the grocery store.
When I was a preteen and young teen, I was blessed with having a very understanding family. I was a definite goth/punk girl. I experimented with hair colors and styles, my mom even helped me dye my hair and shave it. She taught a boy friend of mine how to properly put on his liquid eyeliner. She helped me dye the clothes more distant family members bought for me (in pinks and what not). Now I have a 12 year old boy and I often ask him if he wants to have a mohawk and what not. He hasn't gone for it, but at least he knows I'm cool with his clothing experimenting. My only issue is getting him to give up a few key shirts that are just too short for the growing boy!
My four year old picks out her own clothing most of the time. She comes up with some strange outfits, but she enjoys herself and is usually very proud of what she picks. She goes out in whatever she picks and I very rarely step in. She has decided to wear flip flops in the snow before and I let her. I don't think she made it off the porch before she went back for more appropriate shoes. My own mother was strict about the clothing I wore and I never did understand why. Are clothes really worth fighting over? I don't think so.
This was a CONSTANT fight between me & my mother. I'm 50 now and still remember it well! My sisters and I would buy "secret clothes" with our allowance but we had to hide them in the bathroom at the local public park near where we road the bus everyday. One day, I forgot to change back into the $3/10 Sears dresses my mother made us wear. Boy did I catch hell! It's best to let kids wear most of what they want - don't let clothing fights become something they don't forget - even when they're 50!
Sometimes you just have to choose your battles. I used to look at some of the outfits I saw kids in & wonder how the parents could let them out in public. Didn't they care? I now realize that for the most part, the world won't end if my little guy's clothes don't match or don't fit properly. He thinks he looks great in my hot pink fuzzy knit hat & scarf with his orange striped Sponge Bob shirt & green plaid pants. The grocery clerks & other moms just laugh because they've been there too. Like the rest of you, when it matters I pick a couple outfits & let him choose from them.
Great ideas!
When my kids were little, I would pull out three or four pair of pants from their closets and let them choose the pair they wanted to wear. Once that was done, I would then pull out four or five shirts that matched the pants they chose, and let them choose one. That way they felt as if they had put together their own outfit, but I knew the ensemble matched. On days when we were just hanging out at home, I let them choose whatever they wanted. I saved the BIG clothing arguments for when we were going someplace special. My kids are older now, and I don't say too much about what they wear as long as it isn't offensive, inappropriate, too revealing, or won't invite trouble from others.
Now that school is starting my nine year old daughter is very good about choosing clothing and not the expensive stuff. I'm sure when she gets older she going to want the trendy modern type clothing.But for now she likes anything and she is not picky at all, she likes simple; just a T-shirt and jeans or a pretty dress.
all i am reading to a point is non sense "let them wear what they want to" is mostly what i've read. if i buy the clothes i want them to were them!!! If they don't want to wear them I don't want to buy them!!!!!!! i understand children need to find their identity. They can find it on their own income!!!! it would upset me to watch the new clothes i brought stay in the closet until they got to small and they still had the price tags on them all because they didn't want to wear them
