Is honesty always the best policy? Maybe, maybe not. It seems like the situation is trickiest when it comes to fibbing to or “stretching the truth” with kids. That’s because lies are sometimes born out of attempts to protect our kids, to keep their childhood alive, or to avoid a battle that’s not worth it or could drive them away. So what situations tend to fall into which camp— lie or truth?
Lying time…
Santa. Let them enjoy the magic of a jolly white-bearded guy who delivers gifts, and shield them from parents stressing at the toy store. They’ll find out you’re St. Nick soon enough. The best response when they ask if he really exists: “What do you think?” That can be your gauge to know when it’s time to explain that Santa/the Easter Bunny/the Tooth Fairy lives…in our hearts.
Fantasy leagues. If your kid can’t hit a fastball but dreams of playing in the majors, let him swing away—for a few more years. Appreciate his passion and energy. There’s plenty of time for reality and picking real majors.
The mirror. “How do I look?” doesn’t always require a straightforward answer. So if your kids are going through an awkward stage, don’t let on. After all, Christie Brinkley said she went through one (yeah, right!).
Life goals. You always wanted your child to be a doctor, but she picked fashion designer come college time. Say you’re happy (not disappointed) no matter how you really feel, and be thankful she has a goal all her own.
Now for the truth…
Friends. If a friend is truly a bad influence, tell your child you don’t like the friend—for her own good. On the other hand, if that BFF just isn’t your cup of tea, hold your tongue and save it for bigger battles.
Beyond your knowledge or memory. It’s tempting to make up a lie or a story when you don’t know the answer to something. But remind yourself that it’s okay not to have all the answers. Can’t recall who was the 10th president? Take the time to investigate with your child (and make it seem fun, not a chore). Child wants to know what happens when we die? Start a conversation with a leader in your faith community. Or explore what different faiths believe.
Consequences. “Sit too close to the TV and you’ll hurt your eyes.” We all have if-then things we’ve said (or our parents said) to get someone to do something. But don’t say it if it’s not true. Instead, give them real reasons why they shouldn’t fixate on the TV (like, it keeps them from being active, which isn’t good for their bodies).
Your mistakes. Many parents believe in never showing weakness, but being honest and letting your kids know you’ve made mistakes will make them feel better about their own. And will likely make them see you in a more positive (human) light. That doesn’t mean you can’t keep some things to yourself.
Truth be told, we can’t cover all the kinds of lies we tell in one article. So hop over to our message boards to continue the conversation.
Comments from Members
I think all of these are very good point. But the underlining point is the communcation that we have with our children. I have 3 young Children ages 11 (boy), 10(girl) and almost 7 (boy). and I have a open communication with my children as my mom always had with me when I was growing up. They can come to me and talk about anything. My 11 hasdiscovered on his own that Santa is fictional and we have had the talk that he is something lives in our hearts. And he both respect the fact that ihis younger brother still believes. My 10 year is on the verge of non-believing. In fact my oldest son loves to help get things ready for him. He enjoys helping me wrap presents and setting them out. And loves to see the look on the 7 year olds face when Santa or the Easter Bunny comes. And he understand that for that joy alone is why I let the joy live in their hearts. I believe that as long as you have open communication with your kids you have the key to it all!!! It all starts there. Because then they know they can come to you for anything...
How come I can't find my comment that was made from the beginning of this post on the first day?TELL THE TRUTH NOW, DIDN"T YOU LIKE IT?
Hi Melody, This is Bo from Vocalpoint! I saw your message and just wanted to follow-up with you. We checked and it looks like your other post was on the Survey "Do You Fib To Your Children?" It is a little confusing that we had two things around the same topic. This article was meant to be a follow-up / results from the survey. We will try to make it more clear going foward. Thanks again for the feedback and we hope you enjoy the site. Here is a link to the original survey: http://vocalpoint.com/surveyResults.html?contentId=500000070
My grandson has been asking whether Santa Claus and Easter Bunny is real, and I told him I still believed in them, but the next time he asks, I will ask him what he believes, because some of the other children in school are telling him that they are not real. He is only 7 years old and I wanted him to believe a little bit longer because I know when I found out it was a big disappointment, and I just want my grandchildren to believe as long as they can. My granddaughter is only 21 months so she has a way to go.
Most parents let their children believe in the Easter bunny, Santa, and the toothfairy and they know that they do not exist. Is it harmful, I do not think so. Beyond that I beleive that parent have to tell the truth to teach children to tell the truth. I have told my children the truth about most things and that includes sex. When they asked about the Easter bunny, Santa, or the tooth fairy, I asked what they believed and I said they exist as long as you believe and when they said they knew that they did not exist I told them that the belief is in your heart, whether they exist your not.
Well my 16 year old asked if I was a virgin when I got married. I told her yes, but I wasn't. I didn't want her to have that visual about her mom that I did a few things like that before marriage. Even though my kids were not born out of wedlock, I had my few hay days though.
This is one of those subjects that, "one size" dosen't fit all. Each situation is differnt, each child is different. I have six children and each one that asked a certain question may get a slightly differnt answer depending on age and understanding. It's alright to say that you would be happy to answer that when they are older, or that you will try to explain the best you can. I don't think we have to be the well-spring of all knoweldge as much as someone they know will try and can help them find the answers we both don't know. Learning together can be very rewarding!
I remember when I decided not to mislead my children about Santa and others. When they got older, I asked them whether or not they felt that they missed out on the mistery of it all and they all said, How can we miss what we didn't have. My daughter said, besides look at all the cavities I don't have...I can get candy at the store....I do agree it depends on the kind of relationship you have with your children. We still celebrated most of these events, it just wasn't with all of the untruths...we all knew the characters were not real; like the characters at disney land...how many of you have really seen a mouse give you a big hug! keep it real!
PS..what will be your excuse when you find your child just lied to you? what kind of example do we set for them...it doesn't matter what the reason...kids live what they learn. usually
I think honesty is vital, however sometimes certain issues are not necessary to share with your kids. I think it may be more of a timing issue - WHEN versus IF. We never did the Santa Clause/Easter Bunny thing. But in terms of the Tooth Fairy? We let our kids 'know' that it was us but we still went along and had fun.
I always tried to keep most of my answers to my kids at age appropriate levels....I give them the answers they need to fulfill their curiosity. The older they get, the tricker the questions get to answer. My kids are 21, 19 and 14, at the age(s) where they get complete answers and it has helped keep a really good relationship & communication going with all of them.I did always tell them that there was a Santa, tooth fairy, easter bunny, etc. and as they got older they'd notice things that didn't seem quite right, they got to where they would make little comments and I knew it ws time to ask.....what do you think? when they would say....I don't think they're real, I'd fill them in and let them know that it was a 'grown up secret' and that they could help 'santa' wrap gifts & fill stockings. They like that part, takes some of the 'magic' from them but they keep the magic alive for the younger kids (cousins, etc.) and don't spoil it for them.Not once has one of my kids been upset or mentioned that I "lied" to them, they enjoyed the magic and the opportunity to just "be a kid"
I have four children ranging in age from eight to 21. We did Santa, the Easter bunny, the whole thing. They figured it out and life moved on. Each took up the role as the spirit of Christmas for their younger siblings, and loved it; they all understood and enjoyed the few years that were stress free. When it comes to other matters and life questions, I do my best to answer honestly. Children do not forget the answers you gave them. If they are old enough to question something then they are searching for answers. My answers are age appropriate. Ever question has a truthful answer for each level of maturity. My kids and I are very close. Even their friends will come to me. They know they will get answers and I will help them talk to their parents if needed. It is important to remember that our kids have questions and need answers, if they feel we are not honest with them where do they go for their facts. 
