Is honesty always the best policy? Maybe, maybe not. It seems like the situation is trickiest when it comes to fibbing to or “stretching the truth” with kids. That’s because lies are sometimes born out of attempts to protect our kids, to keep their childhood alive, or to avoid a battle that’s not worth it or could drive them away. So what situations tend to fall into which camp— lie or truth?
Lying time…
Santa. Let them enjoy the magic of a jolly white-bearded guy who delivers gifts, and shield them from parents stressing at the toy store. They’ll find out you’re St. Nick soon enough. The best response when they ask if he really exists: “What do you think?” That can be your gauge to know when it’s time to explain that Santa/the Easter Bunny/the Tooth Fairy lives…in our hearts.
Fantasy leagues. If your kid can’t hit a fastball but dreams of playing in the majors, let him swing away—for a few more years. Appreciate his passion and energy. There’s plenty of time for reality and picking real majors.
The mirror. “How do I look?” doesn’t always require a straightforward answer. So if your kids are going through an awkward stage, don’t let on. After all, Christie Brinkley said she went through one (yeah, right!).
Life goals. You always wanted your child to be a doctor, but she picked fashion designer come college time. Say you’re happy (not disappointed) no matter how you really feel, and be thankful she has a goal all her own.
Now for the truth…
Friends. If a friend is truly a bad influence, tell your child you don’t like the friend—for her own good. On the other hand, if that BFF just isn’t your cup of tea, hold your tongue and save it for bigger battles.
Beyond your knowledge or memory. It’s tempting to make up a lie or a story when you don’t know the answer to something. But remind yourself that it’s okay not to have all the answers. Can’t recall who was the 10th president? Take the time to investigate with your child (and make it seem fun, not a chore). Child wants to know what happens when we die? Start a conversation with a leader in your faith community. Or explore what different faiths believe.
Consequences. “Sit too close to the TV and you’ll hurt your eyes.” We all have if-then things we’ve said (or our parents said) to get someone to do something. But don’t say it if it’s not true. Instead, give them real reasons why they shouldn’t fixate on the TV (like, it keeps them from being active, which isn’t good for their bodies).
Your mistakes. Many parents believe in never showing weakness, but being honest and letting your kids know you’ve made mistakes will make them feel better about their own. And will likely make them see you in a more positive (human) light. That doesn’t mean you can’t keep some things to yourself.
Truth be told, we can’t cover all the kinds of lies we tell in one article. So hop over to our message boards to continue the conversation.
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