So you’ve seen the celebrity headlines—and so have your kids. Yankee Alex Rodriguez cheats and then admits to lying about it. Olympic hero Michael Phelps is convicted of drunk driving and also caught smoking marijuana. Jamie Lynn Spears gets pregnant at 16. Miley Cyrus poses for racy photos. Lindsay Lohan is rumored to have had breast implants. And Rihanna kisses and makes up with Chris Brown after he allegedly beats her. What’s going on? Even more important, what are we supposed to say to our kids, who often idolize these celebs?
Unfortunately, news like this isn’t going away. And you’ll never shield your kids entirely—even by going to extremes like banning TV and computer time. They’ll get the gossip on the playground, in the halls, even from magazines at checkouts. So instead of wishing it away or ignoring it, welcome the gossip.
That’s right, welcome it. Experts say it’s the best way to react. Use the celebrity news to enter important (but sometimes awkward) territory like drug and alcohol use, teen sex, body image, and dating abuse. That way, you can bring these things up more naturally in a way that won’t send off “there’s a lecture coming” warning lights to your kids. That said, you still need to walk a fine line in how you talk about what’s happened.
Make It a Discussion
If you’re always wondering what’s going on in your child’s head, here’s the chance to get in there. Hold back your opinion about what happened—no matter how hard that is. Ask your child what she thinks about the news first. At the very least, you’ll get a sense of where she stands. If you’re lucky, you may find she’s already come to the same conclusion you have (pat yourself on the back). If you disagree with her take on the situation, talk some more and share your thoughts in a way that doesn’t start a whole “I’m right—you’re wrong” scenario.
Underline the Consequences
Often, the news is all about the action the celeb took. And you wait and you wait to hear the consequences reported, but they only make page 5 news (much later)…or they’re never reported on at all. So, in the case of Phelps, point out that he lost millions of dollars in endorsements, not to mention public respect, because of his bad choices. It may be news to your child.
Remember That Nobody’s Perfect
Make sure to point out that we all have our weaknesses, and we all occasionally do stupid things. And give credit when a star is strong enough to admit an error and apologize—Phelps said he recognized the seriousness of his mistake and will continue learning from it for the rest of his life. Your child needs to know how to come clean and make things right when those inevitable wrong turns happen. That includes feeling like he can come to you when he makes those mistakes—come off as too judgmental, and you risk your child fearing you in situations when it would be better for him to lean on you. And ultimately, that’s what you want.
Comments from Members
I have always been as open as possible with my kids. I try to talk on their level. I think circumstances that dissapoint us are building blocks for a better character...and it doesnt cost me anything. Unfortunately, someone has to 'pay' but take the 'freebies' when you can get them and use that example to reveal how making the wrong decision can cost a person alot and more than they had wished to pay out. I always let my kids know that I appreciate their opinions, but they also know that I am there to lead and guide them with advice that only an adult can see.
Rihanna did nothing wrong. Many, many young adults go back to their lovers after being beat. She is young, but she learned from the incident. Learn, and get more info before posting an article about Rihanna not being a role model, because she's beyond inspiration to me. She's no longer with Chris Brown, and the trial date if for June 22nd, until further notice.
I try to encourage my children to look at entertainers/sports figures as just that and not as someone they should look on as a "hero". I encourage them to look at the people around us in church and in our community / state that are doing good things to help others and to lead by example. Everyone is human, but entertainers and sports figures are so out in the spotlight, that their mistakes are going to be consistently thrown out there. When they ask about that kind of stuff, then we discuss what kind of decisions that person should have made. It's a tough world, but we have to be realistic with our children.
I think there are true Hero's out there, why don't we have our children look at our soilders, who fight for their freedoms, we put too much importance on superstars and sports figures.....why not look at parets as hero's , (Not all are, but it would be a better start).......Let's start dressing our children like children instead of their super stars.........We parents could be doing a lot more.............
I know that children look up to a lot of people who they perceive as heroes. If someone my child looked up to did something wrong I would talk about it with my child.I would discuss whatever it was and we would have a discussion about what should have ,could have been done better. I would encourage my child to express her/his feelings. I would not pass judgement, however, I would ask my child what he/she thinks. I would reinstill the values that I already taught my child. I would let my child know that we are not perfect and we do sometimes make mistakes. I would criticize the behavoir, not the person.
I think it is extremelly important to remind children that celebrities are human and will make human errors. I also think it is essential to let children know that the entire story is never told by the media, because personal perceptions bias reporting and because the media is not privy to all the facts either. Kids have to be reminded that one cannot pass judgement on another person based on partial information. I also think we need to remind our kids that everyone makes mistakes and that people deserve a chance to learn from mistakes.
I make sure my children know that even though they are someone special at the time they are also only human, and humans make mistakes. it is so much easier to blame them then to forgive, i have tried to instill in my children that they need to forgive. I have also tried to teach them not to put people on pedestals that way when they do fall it's not to far down.
the only thing michael phelps did wrong was act like a puppet when he could have spoken up about something relatively harmless. big deal he smokes a little weed when he's not swimming and training for endless hours. some of you wish what you did in your spare time was that harmless. thank goodness sneaky jerks aren't taking pictures of you and displaying them to some people who could give a care and ruin your good name and livelihood. if the celebrity emphasis disappeared, we could get back to giving these people their lives back and recognizing them for their talents again. it's only a disservice to yourself if you remember people like michael phelps as a anything than what they offer. in his case, a phenomenal athlete in the area of swimming and representing our country. I say WAY to GO! and I hope to see him representing himself and his sport in the future without ever referring to the pot situation unless in a positive tone.
I don't think kids should look to entertainers/sport figures as roll models. We taught our children that everyone is the same, no one is perfect. We forgave our childrens mistakes and tried to help them learn from them so they would not make them again and they would learn to forgive others. Their roll models were family members that have succeeded in life, and are good loving people. They learned life lessons from the Bible and life itself. TV was not a big part of their growing up years, horses, motorcyles, camping, fishing, playing games, we spent time together. Families need to take time to be a family and be your kids roll models.
I agree with what others have said about how entertainers/sport figures should not be role models. Of course, children tend to idolize the "latest and greatest" though. While my son is not old enough to have role models quite yet, my husband and I plan on being honest and open with him when the time comes.
I tell my kids that EVERYONE makes mistakes. Its after you make these mistakes that show your true character. If you lie or deny it or whether you come clean and apologize shows what you're made of. Everyone has pressures and those who are rich and famous are put up on a pedestal. If they are close with their family and have strong positive role models then they are usually able to be steered the right way.
In our family, we do not set anyone up to be a role model. My kids look up to God only. This is the only way they will never be let down. He does not make moral mistakes. With that said, I agree with everyone that says they are human and make mistakes, we all do. This way we know what mistakes not to make!
I can honestly say that none of my children have looked upon celebrities or athletes as heros. I think the word hero gets misused. My kids all know that our true heros are those that work, fight and sometimes give their lives for their country. Soldiers, firefighters and police officers would fall into that category. I don't mean to be preachy, but I have always taught my kids that what they hear from our media is usually someone's biased opinion.
Yes, I agree with many of the parents on here. Celebrities are really NOT heros at all. They don't do anything brave or admiral. Actually many of them do the exact opposite. So I teach my children not to look up to celebrates, sports players, or musicians. If they want to admire someone, they can look up to their father for inspiration. He's in the Navy and has been to Iraq and back. He's a hero. Celebrities are people just like us except their lives are in the spotlight so many more people can see their faults. Most of them have too much money and don't know what good to do with it.
I think that the children should look up their parents and do what they do and act they way they do not a star that they don't even know or understand.My mother was the best and always tried to be like her she raised four (4) girls and had to take care of a very sick husband and worked outside the home and all of us turned out OK and I will never know even to this day how she did it because in those days there was no help for her and she did it all. I have never found another mother like that NEVER so to me she was my hero.
I agree that celebrities are just human beings. And as human beings we all fail at some point. I think that as parents we should be as honest as possible when it comes to talking about anything with our chilldren. This is a golden opportunity to openly communicate with them so don't screw it up.
As a Christian parent, I think it's difficult to find much in the lines of "role model" in pop-culture to begin with, and we try to avoid as much of it as we can. However, I do find that my child hears about the scandals, controversies, etc. (as another person posted) everywhere from the playground to the newspapers and gossip rags prominently displayed at the grocery store.The best we can do is to use it as a teaching moment, to explain our God's view of 'sin' and how it relates to our life, explain the difference between "falling" and "jumping" into wrong behaviors, and hypocrisy. This means explaining the difference between being "judgemental" and "using good judgement".It's a great time to gently point out where my child may have common behaviors (do they display meaness on the playground, or lie to protect themselves). It's no use judging the behaviors of others as wrong, when we do not see the same tendencies in ourselves and attempt to reconcile/remediate them (judgemental vs. good judgement).Seeing the consequences of poor decision-making by very public figures at least serves as a learning tool for others, if nothing else.
WE ARE ALL HUMAN AND MAKE MISTAKES. THERE'S BEEN ONLY ONE REAL SUPER HERO IN THIS WORLD "JESUS" . HE TOOK ON ALL OUR SINS. WENT TO JAIL ,RECIVED THE DEATH PENALTY,FOR THINGS HE DID NOT DO. HE EVEN DIED FOR THE PEOPLE WHO HAVENT EVEN BEEN BORN YET. THE BEST PART OF THIS IS WE GET A CHANCE TO GO TO THE PLACE WHERE HE WENT WHEN HE WAS RESURECTED .AND JOIN HIM IN ETERNEL BLISS.SO DONT EXPECT PEOPLE TO BE MORE THAN MEAR MORTALS FOR WE ALL FALL SHORT.AND WE ALL HAVE A PERSONAL THORN IN OUR FLESH.AND UNTIL WE RECIVE OUR NEW BODIES,NOT MADE BY HUMAN CONSEPTION THEN AND ONLY THEN WILL WE BE MADE PERFECT BY JOAN TOWNSEND
We can not always be there to protect our children from the outside influences. They get to be teenagers having to make life's choices on their own and we can only pray that we gave them the basics of knowing right from wrong. Children are going to be influenced by their peers but I have always told my children they can come to me with anything, even after the fact. I know that they will do wrong things and that what life is all about. That is how we learn is from our experiences whether they be good or bad. My daughter is at that age now where she is invited to parties and such. I tell her I was once a teenager and I do understand the things she is having to deal with. I hope she doesn't have the curiosity to try alcohol (and I believe in her but what scares me is her peer influence). I can not stress upon her enough that every thing we do in life has a consequence and one wrong choice can ruin the rest of her life. I know that she will do things knowing they are not the right choices but I have made her promise me two things. #1 Never drink and have sex #2 Never drink and get into a vehicle or go with anyone who is drinking. And her reply to me is always the same "Mom I will be alright as long as I don't do anything illegal or immoral". THAT'S MY GIRL!!
Its hard to raise your kids and work in this day and time. Many parents don't even know what their kids do from one day to the next. We need to get more involved with our kids and keep a close relationship with them. Share opinions and ideals and let them voice theirs. As we all know once they are old enough to try things and think they no longer need our help thats when they are going to need us the most. I knw its hard sometimes to say no or to not be able to give them what they want but they still know we love them because of the unity and love.. Interaction makes alot of difference in their judgement of right and wroing . thanks and god bless
Being honest with your children and explain what happened (in the best descrete terms) so they understand what the person did wrong.... To err is human - let them learn from their "hero's" mistake on how NOT to be or act....
