When Annoying Wins

Maybe, there’s just a little bit of truth to the old saying “nice girls finish last.” Perhaps the more accurate saying should be “nice, quiet girls finish last.” When you don’t speak up, you may let opportunities pass and allow others to steamroll you. It’s not a bad thing to make yourself heard at the right time. Plus, taking care of your own needs doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you more centered and more able to interact healthfully with everyone around you. Learn to live it in the following real-life situations.

As the Doctor Zips Through a Visit
Your time-pressed doc may spend as little as 5 minutes talking with you during an appointment. To make sure your most important questions are addressed, bring a prioritized list of topics so you’ll be sure your top concerns are talked about first. Then, don’t walk out the door without all the info you need. Ask for a thorough explanation of test results and treatment plans.

When You Don’t Get a Raise
Even with an outstanding performance review, an increase in pay may be out of the question these days. Don’t be dismissed by your boss telling you it’s tough economic times and there’s nothing she can do. Ask for perks instead of a raise, such as working from home 1 day a week (which saves you transportation costs) or more vacation time (which can save your sanity). You can also see if your boss will give you a better job title with the understanding that the pay will catch up later.

If Your Kid Won’t Say Anything About Her Day
If you’re tired of your kid telling you that she did “nuthin’” in school for the umpteenth time, pull a fast one on her. Ask her friend. Kids are often more talkative with their friends’ parents. That means you’re more likely to hear about a tough teacher or class bully from the friend than from your daughter.

When Hubby Won’t Share Chores
Quietly scrubbing the dishes while he’s watching sports won’t help you feel better. Maybe you have some sort of loose agreement on chores about what’s “his” and “hers.” But somehow, it seems, you get the bulk of the work. Pick one chore, like cooking dinner, hand him some easy-to-follow cookbooks and tell him you expect him to cook once a week. Sure, the first few meals might be, um, less than tasty, but eventually he’ll get better at chores and so will the food.

If You Have to Talk to an Authority Figure
To make yourself a more assertive speaker, steal one tip from expert presenters: nod lots. Before that parent-teacher conference or the big meeting at work, practice what you’re going to say and nod as you state your case. It’s surprising how this little trick will make you feel more firm and confident as you’re speaking.

When You Don’t Want to Share
Sure, you teach your kids sharing is a good thing. But occasionally, you don’t want to split your dinner or let your friend borrow your best sweater. There’s nothing wrong with that. It just means it’s time to speak up. Simply tell the would-be borrower that you just had some bad experiences sharing or that you had already planned to finish that food yourself, which is why you didn’t order an appetizer. Giving a reason will let others know it’s not personal—and will keep your sweater from getting stretched out.

Sometimes we just let things slide; other times, we need to speak up for ourselves. When is it right to stand up for yourself and how do you do pull it off without being annoying?