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Sometimes we just let things slide; other times, we need to speak up for ourselves. When is it right to stand up for yourself and how do you do pull it off without being annoying? |
you just voice your opinion .
Sometimes being "Nice" dont cut it, well basically when push comes to shove you will get shoved if you dont stand up for yourself, you have to make sure people within the community of places that mean the difference between you being safe, healthy, etc know that you will not let them walk all over you, i have learned this the hard way when i was pregnant with my children and such, i have always let doctors just tell me things and not ask questions, thinking they were the experts, but NO they are not, they may have the degrees granted but YOU are in charge of your Own health and if you dont stand up for yourself or ask questions you can become very very ill (like i did) or possibly even die.Like i said sometimes you HAVE to stand up for yourself, IF NOT YOU, WHO?
If your bringing the work place and it's frustrations home with you it's time to speak up...
Yeah, sometimes standing up for myself has gotten me into more trouble. But more often than not, it gets the job done. I would rather say I stood up for myself and let my voice be heard, than regret staying quiet later on!
How are other people supposed to know what is okay with you and what you will not tolerate if you do not speak up and let them know. I tend to watch faces and expressions and it is usually pretty obvious how sincere a person is if you take the care to see. While there are a lot of insensitive people out there, most have a lot going on and trust you to know your own mind and say what you mean. If you said okay then it must be okay or you would have said otherwise, right. Being a doormat does not gain others respect or your respect for yourself. I have a habit of stepping in and speaking up for others when I can see that they want to but are afraid to. I can't abide bullies.
I never let things slide. If i have somethingto say i say it...it might cause problems sometimes but...its better than keeping things all bottled up.
We live is a fast paced society. Everyone needs to navigate the waters and prioritize what is important to his or her needs. Especially in regards to health care. Continue to strive to get answers if your families healthcare is not being addressed. Stand up if you have a question until you receive an adequate answer or the next best steps to address any situation. Eventually you will find an individual that shares your views and values and will assist in finding the best resources available.
I try to speak-up........family is the problem usually. They just EXPECT too much from me. So I have to hurt feelings sometimes to get my point across.......and remind them that I also have feelings also. Having a new situation here loosing my spouse in Dec.08......His dad and daughter 20 yr old.........seems to NEED so much now. Where my spouse was the one who handled their stupid stuff. Doing how he wanted to-- not how they told him to. I think I may have about got it across that I am a person too and I am going to be my own person no matter what anyone thinks. I have had to bring it down a notch or 2 w/them. She needs to grow up and get a life and he needs to realize I am not only in this world to catter to him. I am a 50 yr. old woman that is quite capable of taking care of myself. Nosiness is another problem he has. Where have you been == when will you be back---Ok dude does it really matter?? My kids don't do me like this and they r not either. I just really get upset with this whole thing. And I do speak my mind. If I don't then believe me we will ALL be miserable. I can not be a doormat either....................*peace*
I'm 56 yrs old and I've almost never been able too speak up for myself. Whether it's been in the office, before I retired, at the doctor's, they are God's, right? At home, with my friends, or just about anywhere. But I grew up in a very dysfunctional house, with a very abusive step father, then I married someone just like him. Now years later, even after twenty years of marriage to a very kind and easy going husband I still can't speak up for myself if I need too. It's too ingrained.
I have always been able to speak up for myself. If we don't speak up for ourselves who will? My family tends to shove things under the rug and never talk about them, and I can't do this. They do not question things and just take things as handed to them. I must speak up. When I go to a store and the cashier won't take all of my coupons I say I want to see the manager or I tell them their coupon policy. I never just say okay and walk out.
In gerneral I"m polite and persistent, polite being the operative word. It doesnt' help to get nasty or rude to anyone just because you feel the situation is unfair or wrong. Keep your cool with family friends and strangers and you will usually end up with the desired result. IF a person is unable to gie me the desired results, I go to the next person up the ladder until I get what I think is the fair resolution. With family & friends, I try to come from a point of "what were they thinking"...... If I can figure that out I approach them and ask what I can do to resolve the conflict.... The blame game very rarely work. I think personal responsibilty for what you contribute to any situation is hgihly rated in resolution and usually whats missing from the equation when situation escalate to ugly.
Just remember, no one is going to do it for you. You can either speak up for yourself, or feel sorry for yourself all of the time.
As work wise, I have no choice but to stand up for my self. I am here to make money not play any games. Now in family thats anohter story, I am strong but I am careful not to hurt anyone feelings. If I know that a certain topic is very touchy and its going to cause a mad house, then I would never bring it up infront of anyone but that person. I think that there are many way to talk to people and it depends on who your talking to and where.
- Berpep said
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I have to be the same way as you. I usually don't ask questions from my Drs. - I just seem to pretend they know best and when I leave, I really didn't get anything accomplished and walk away feeling like I wasted my time
- Deb said:
I try to speak-up........family is the problem usually. They just EXPECT too much from me. So I have to hurt feelings sometimes to get my point across.......and remind them that I also have feelings also. Having a new situation here loosing my spouse in Dec.08......His dad and daughter 20 yr old.........seems to NEED so much now. Where my spouse was the one who handled their stupid stuff. Doing how he wanted to-- not how they told him to. I think I may have about got it across that I am a person too and I am going to be my own person no matter what anyone thinks. I have had to bring it down a notch or 2 w/them. She needs to grow up and get a life and he needs to realize I am not only in this world to catter to him. I am a 50 yr. old woman that is quite capable of taking care of myself. Nosiness is another problem he has. Where have you been == when will you be back---Ok dude does it really matter?? My kids dont do me like this and they r not either. I just really get upset with this whole thing. And I do speak my mind. If I dont then believe me we will ALL be miserable. I can not be a doormat either....................*peace*
Family is the most difficult. I have helped everyone that has needed it. But now that I am not in good health, when I ask for help, the same people don't have time. This makes me very angry, but I have been hurt by their responses too many times to even bother to ask. I guess I am too ashamed to ask for help any more.
Jean
- JJ said:
We live is a fast paced society. Everyone needs to navigate the waters and prioritize what is important to his or her needs. Especially in regards to health care. Continue to strive to get answers if your families healthcare is not being addressed. Stand up if you have a question until you receive an adequate answer or the next best steps to address any situation. Eventually you will find an individual that shares your views and values and will assist in finding the best resources available.
I was a caregiver for my own mom for 4 years. I did it until it got to be too much to take care of her. My own health was being compromised, and I felt guilty because I couldn't do it anymore. I felt selfish. But my own health has gotten so deteriated that I can barely do things I have to do to take care of myself. And I have 3 daughters of my own all grown now, but they are not there for me. They make me feel like I am interupting their lives. So now I feel alone. Jean
I find first and foremost,that it never works if done when angry. It's best to walk away and compose yourself. If you don't you are defeated before you even open your mouth. It's best to do it when you are composed,then you can state your case and make it clear in a rational manor. We all know that nothing is accomplished by yelling and screaming. Also be prepared that,the other person may not agree with you. Agree to state your point and leave it right there.Because if you do it expecting afformation,you might be left hanging in the wind.And that may open the door to confrontation,which also will defeat your purpose. It is good to stand up for yourself,just remember to use tact...Then again sometimes it's just not worth it.Especially if you are dealing with an ignorant person. Discernment is really key... when dealing with a situation such as this.
Are we talking about principles here, the right principles to use when we need to speak up or are we talking about the culturally accepted thoughts that it is all about our preferences? Each day I witness so many people expending lots of energy and saying nothing except their personal opinions, their preferences and the only foundation to their arguements is that they like it that way or they want it that way. They are not basing their speech on absolutes outside of themselves, on principles of right and wrong. Thus they are only being criticizers not critical thinkers. What ever happened to the wisdom of choosing what battles to fight? So many people are easily offended and they are the ones most hurt by that. The time to speak up is when morals and principles are at stake, not just fashion opinions or the like. Then it needs to be done both boldly and lovingly. That kind of loving confrontation can only work when based in absolute truth that exists outside ourselves.
My father taught me stand in the truth. So stand up for yourself when you know you are right and in the truth. Fight for yourself when you are being disrespected or treated unfairly due to your beliefs.
As a woman, I know that if I don't have the confidence that I'm important enough to speak up for, my daughters and the other young women I teach won't learn to either. When I was young, most females were raised to be pleasers and value their lives by their relationships and families' accomplishments. I was not raised that way. My parents helped me learn to value myself. I don't let things slide; conversely, I am very kind to people. Learn to speak your thoughts in kind ways. Just because someone has trampled on you in some way, it's not necessary to be unkind. If you remember that, chances are you will speak your mind without hurting anyone.
I believe in "speaking the truth in love." We can never please everyone. I try to hold onto my peace, and not be pulled down by others. You may find that speaking the truth will help others to be "set free." Be blessed...
If you "stew" about it all night and wish you said something, that's the time when you need to stick up for yourself. If you don't you'll make yourself even more upset.
If I feel 100% correct I will say so in a nice way. I've learned that being nice in some cases doesn't work, especially when dealing with people that think they know it all. IMO you have to know what you arre dealing with and take it from there.
I had this lady that works at the gym that I do. She teachs the class and I work in the daycare. She and some members bring their children into the daycare before it opens at 9 a.m. because her class starts at 9 a.m. they set up their equipment. Well this past Saturday my older girl took a little more time in the morning getting ready, so when we got there early she brought her child in early again. Although I don't mind it once in a while it is becoming a regular habit. I was talking harshly to my daughter (i.e. not cursing or yelling because of my little one who is a recording) when she comes back into the room and asks me if there is a problem and I told her no and apolozied if she thought there was. When class was over and she came into the room to pick up her child with a look to kill. I apologized to her once again if she misunderstood the conversation from earlier that I had with my daughter. Her reply to me was "You should apologize". And then she snapped at me telling me that she was there 3 minutes early and I should be like her at her other job 10 minutes before her start time. My daughter hands her the video and she snatches it so hard from her that the plastic scraped her hand but did not tear the skin. As she is walking out of the room she proceeds to tell me that I should not talk to my daughter like that as she shuts the door before I can get a chance to say anything. Through this flipping out I have a 9 month old on my lap who is very upset and she made her worse.After talking to the owner and discussed it with his mother who overseas the daycare workers. This was the reply: That I need to not say anything to the parents if there any problems they will address with the parent ( I have done that in the past and they haven't), just watch the kids, leave my laptop at home even though I bring it for the olders kids to play on, no food, leave my older one at home more often and the worst part was to be told that she has worked for them since they opened up and she has never lied to them. So in other we've been verbally and physically assulted and now we are being called liars. What would you do in this situation?
I have never been one to let important things slide. I find honesty is the best way to fight anything. Being tactful has been the key to getting my point across without offending. When I was younger, this was not a virtue I possessed. If a clerk was annoyed because she had to actually do her job, I was known to say, "I'm sorry, am I a making you do your job?" Not so nice, but they did usually change their attitude, I unfortunately went away not feeling so good about myself. So, I have to intentionally decide to be tactful when confrontation is required. I do not believe any one person should be bullied or run over and think appropriate confrontation can fix the problem. If you do not confront the problem, it will continue to fester. I heard once, that a good way to confront someone who is being rude is to simply ask, "Have I done something wrong, or are you just having a bad day?" This works too....if I can swollow my pride.....
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